WHY ARE WOMEN TAUGHT TO DEFEND 

WHILE MEN AREN’T TAUGHT TO RESTRAIN?

Every time when a case of assault and violence against women dominates the headlines, the conversation often shifts to what a women must do to avoid such situations. They are encouraged to learn self defence, avoid unsafe places, restrain from wearing revealing clothes, stay alert and take precautions. But WHY, why is the society more concerned with teaching women how to face men than teaching men self control. Why is self control not equally emphasized??

The importance of this question rises more when we look at the data. Cases like the 2012 Nirbhaya gang rape case in Delhi, the 2018 Kathua rape and murder of an eight year old girl, the 2024 rape and murder of a trainee doctor at Kolkata and many more. According to National Crime Records Bureau, India recorded about 4.4 lakh crimes against women in 2023, out of which 30,000 were rape cases, 83,000 assault cases and over 1.3 lakh kidnapping cases. Perhaps the most telling figure is that the majority of the offenders are non-strangers. According to research based on NCRB data, an estimated 97.5 percent of rapes occurred when the victims were known to the offender, be it as friends, neighbors or lovers. 

The figure highlights a very important reality; the issue is not only about the safety of women but also about teaching men to control their devastating hunger. Teaching self control means teaching respect, consent and emotional maturity. Boys should know power, will and strength is not measured on dominance but by the ability to respect the boundaries. Families and schools must instill these values. Young people must know that attraction does not create any entitlement, no one is owed to someones attention  and rejection is a part of life.

This does not mean self-defence is not important. Every women must learn it but in a way to be used as a safeguard and not primarily for violence and rapes.

 Ultimately a true society is where instead of telling girls to limit their freedom, we must teach the boys to respect each and every women’s boundary be it his wife, friend, sister or a stranger. 

Don’t teach your daughter to be scared of the world; teach your son to make the world safer for every daughter. Only then we can have a safer and a better place where each and every individual feels safe.